worried. worried. please talk to me.

“Love at first sight” is such a crazy concept.

Lust and curiosity at first sight is definable, but love requires such intense devotion. To love someone means your life meaning is to provide this person with happiness and care. It means you cannot bear the thought of life without them. At least, that’s what most people say it is. I think.

If love is even like this, it seems absurd to want it. Like selling yourself to emotional slavery.

I remember being - what I think was - in love, and at the time it was the most wonderful thing I’ve ever had. The prime feeling is, as I still remember, magical. It creeps into your body and rides your nervous system, makes your muscles ache and your head fly into the sky and your stomach flutter like it has wings and your chest free of it’s typical chains and weights. Love turns you into a regular epileptic.

But the loss of the source of that feeling is similar to the loss of oxygen. When the person gone, you suffocate. Like your lungs fill with gross, sticky fluids that are other human beings. Maybe that’s why I’m so terrified of drowning.
(I’ve seen visitors grasp their throats in hospitals, as if they’re actually choking on defiling, parasitic humans.)

Love is like a drug addiction. The high is great, but soon it hurts to be sober. Even physically hurts, like your skin is burning and itching.

So I don’t understand why anyone wants to feel love. It can only end bloody.

Wanting to feel loved is comprehensible, sensible. Everyone wants to feel valuable. Everyone is hungry for the control of another’s emotional balance. Sadly. It’s an evil desire. But it’s humanity. It’s what the masses call “normal”.

But someone who is masochistic enough to want to feel love (whether out of morbid curiosity or past memorial torments) is comparable to a squirrel who runs out into the middle of a street just to turn around and go back.

“Love at first sight” confuses the fuck out of me. Not the idea itself, but the fact that others desire it and made it a concept.

Anonymous asked: Ok I know you're not here but I have to ask anyway. Do you ever moan people's names when you have sex with them and do you have a long birthmark on your leg that looks like a snake? For some reason you were in my wet dream last night and I've been thinking about you all morning. You were on top and you were so tight and kept going and going it was amazing. I don't want to weird you out because we talk sometimes and you're so cute. Ok this is bad sorry. I know you're taken and it was only a dream

Holy shit.

No, I don’t have a snake birthmark or tattoo. And I don’t want to tell people what I say in bed.

That’s kind of flattering though. You’re cute too. But yeah, I’m not looking for sexual partners on the internet.

I really wanna know who you are.

Anonymous asked: I just got my period! Literally, your response helped me cope so much. Every time I felt worried about it I just went and read your response again. Thank you so so so much. You helped me more than I can possibly explain. Good luck with Lee, darling. And thank you again for everything. XO, L.

Oh my god, I’m so fucking happy for you. :D

Thank you, I hope everything stays good. Be careful.